Gosh, have I actually made it to 37 weeks pregnant? Sometimes I feel like it has been an eternity and sometimes I feel like just a blink of an eye. Everyday I wake up I think to myself, this could be the day. This could be the day that I meet my son on the outside and get to love and shower him with kisses instead of rubs and gentle pats. Half of me is so ready, not like miserable get him out of me ready but, just ready to meet him and have the next chapter of our lives as a family of four begin but, half of me is so scared. I'm scared of the labor, weird I know since I have been through it before but, there are just so many unknowns. I feel like with Addison my labor experience was so wonderful except having to wait to push for like 30 minutes and Addison's heart rate dropping which I didn't know was happening at the time, I guess everyone knew I would freak out. Part of me loves having one child to take care of and is afraid of being spread too thin and not ever really having that bonding time with Mason. I have had three and a half years to give my undivided attention to Addison and what about Mason. I'm sure every mother feels this way. It scares me too that it will all go so fast. I'm pretty sure unless we hit the lottery (and we don't play) this is my last baby. Addison was such a darling baby but, there are so many things that seem like a blur. I can't remember things. Now I look at her and she is such a beautiful, intelligent, sweet, loving three and a half year old. Time just goes by way too fast. We are going to be totally changing gears here. We have a capable, independent, potty trained, self sufficient child and now we will have a helpless, nocturnal child that depends totally on me for nutrition. It will be nice to be needed but it is also nice to have any independent child. It is all temporary and just seems to fly by. I just want to stay in the moment and appreciate all that God has given me.
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